released december 2001
the box is a huge record that encompasses a years worth of things.. life had changed drastically and things were happening that i never really understood. it is about indecision, and bullying and a feeling of completely giving up on being able to control your own life. the box is about being trapped and not knowing what to do.. is is also about trying to make the best of everything that is spinning around you.. the box is a confusing place to be inside.
I’m gonna lock it down.
Chain it to a home made raft.
Kick it in the river full of blood and teeth.
It will sink to the bottom and stay,
she laughed. I need no explanation, not any more,
every thing you wrote is propaganda
and it’s thick and I love it,
and I need it, to get myself back up.
I opened my eyes in a boutique.
And bought you the short black wig.
And you gave it to the wire woman,
and you danced with Victorian pigs.
But it’s still all at the bottom.
Being eaten by vampire fish.
I sat naked with the plaster face.
Nailed my hands to feet and wished.
If you make that face too long, she said,
you will stay like that forever.
So I made it as long as I could
and dress the wires up in leather.
Because the wire woman,
spat up teeth and chunks of meat.
All cradled up in a leather corset.
Her hand are nailed to feet.
She cried for it for half a month,
she wished it to come back.
I spun around with nursery rhymes,
and lived within my back pack.
She sat up in attention in an old wooden chair.
When the boy they all hated started cutting her hair.
I’ll kill you she said, you know that I can.
Then do it, he begged, I’m much less than a man.
Night clubbing at my disco is all they ever did.
Lollypop thrills for twenty is a day in hell for kids.
I’m giving up every thing to you, that I never ever used.
I’m on the streets in empty towns all happy and abused.
And the baby’s treading water,
and the paint peels off my house.
So you won’t know where I am,
when you’re searching for my mouth.
And it’s set in stone, and locked up tight.
And there’s nothing like the dawn of night.
You rent my eyes, I have no sight.
And it seems to me, there’s too much light.
And I never wanted my eye’s to focus again.
One day next week she was being fed through tubes.
Riding around on dead dogs,
wearing my blue Dutch shoes.
All I can do is pray my prey led a horrid life.
My only possessions are a box and a Turkish knife.
And I pawn them for a dime,
and cough up a bucket of blood.
And she’s still there where I left her, dancing in the mud.
And the old cat lady’s house we re-opened as a store.
And you sell my clothes there, my clothes, and nothing more.
She was found hiding in the cupboard containing bowls and lids.
There are some things you just shouldn’t do to kids.
Here on the street eating candy, getting phat, and getting randy.
All I know is there is nothing there is nothing there for me.
And I question you forever and doubt myself non stop.
Aromatic bedroom takes me back to the top.
I love it she glows, and you are less than human,
and I hate me he said, and stopped all the trains.
Smell it, smell it, it’s important, it’s mine.
If I could I would save it in a bottle by my bed.
It’s addictive, it’s honest, it’s all I ever wished.
It’s the most amazing, crazing thing I made up in my head.
There’s a lock on something I need to feel deep in my mouth.
And the merry go round is stopping right outside my house.
I pet you like a cat until you cough up the key.
It’s waiting in you’re belly on a boat out in the sea.
If you spit on me, I will chain you up.
And I will do my best to stop a suck.
Intravenous love machine is waiting up in the attic.
Just behind the door, with six or seven padlocks.
And we just won the lotto, and friends are calling up now.
With a master’s in wheat cultivating, you always wondered how.
I delight in lunar landscapes and converse with widowed birds,
and I hate what I did to you, and I hate what I did to you.
And the baby’s going under.
And your house is burning down.
And you will never find me,
when I’m in another town.
And the box is locked and that is that.
The night is bright with burning kites,
and flaming eyes, at dizzy heights.
And your bloody chest from all my bites.
I never wanted my eyes to focus again.
Alcoholic Bottle Dress Blues
In an ancient bottle of musk and fruit,
I never wanted to wear that suit.
Stitched together with daffodil lies,
while the smoke in my room starts burning my eyes.
And you are the one who has that dress.
It was never mine, but I don’t love it any less.
Black as the sky was when my youth died,
in that bottle, whispering stories and lies.
I’ll beg for forgiveness until I crumble down.
And I’ll know you for at least that time.
And you’ll walk as far as I let you slip,
and I know all my possessions aren’t mine.
I crawl inside you like I’m blue,
and I feel you, like I am you.
I swear to you, I know you,
and I wear you, just like you do.
I wore it she screams as the car pulls off.
In the gutter I wore it, I wore it, it’s lost.
Some people just don’t understand at all.
Some people just hate you.
A drunken rage takes me to a pool, and I press my face in the water.
And I drown in a foreign forest, and I never had a daughter.
I like the color of your skin, I never said that I don’t like blue.
I pray for one day when sixteen is gone, and tomorrow is a painted you.
Bind my arms to a lake of sores, and stop me before I hate too much.
Thank you for looking at me, and thank you for my alcohol crutch.
I Am Ashamed of All My Dust
And I’m coming down, and my legs are weak.
And it seem so clear what exactly I have done.
Because I have no faith and I planted one tree.
Who has split in two in an old corner room.
I’ll save your life and push your swing.
And I’ll never lie, and I’ll never sing.
And he sat back down in a broken chair.
And mosquitoes fly past, and they think too much.
Where is my dust? And where is my mate?
And what is the time? And what is the date?
It’s tighter and tighter, and no one can breathe.
And I want you here, and I want you to leave.
And I used to be simple and I never had to think.
And the dust storm is over, and you always, always dance.
And I’m climbing up and the sewer is his home.
And I’m good enough, and I’m good enough for you.
I visit all these people, and I never know their names.
And seems so worthless, and I feel so ashamed.
I haven’t understood for years, and I’m sickly and old,
and I’d like to sell my soul.
But you can’t be Robert Johnson when you’re made of blood and piss.
I can’t be Robert Johnson, and I’ll never be more than this.
I’ll break your legs in shopping malls,
and sleep with you until she calls.
And start my day all over again.
And crop your pictures ‘till there is no men.
And this day next year, I’ll be gone.
And you’ll stand here, with velvet on.
All the Good Things
After every thing is said, my life’s adventure sleeps within my head.
And it seems like it was bright, and all the good things happen at night.
And nothing is ever gonna end.
Stretch my arms out fill my boots with lead.
I walk past wall that say I am dead,
I love it when you smell like me she said.
I’m pressing buttons, stealing all my friends.
I lost my insides, but it all depends.
Keep my slice small, I won’t eat it all.
And nothing seems to matter any more,
and everything is waiting at the door.
I read the words you never want to see.
I bled till there was nothing left of me.
I walk down stairs, you fall around the floor,
the cats are scared, they run right out the door.
Snap pictures of a blue wall in the dark.
Sell them to the homeless in the park.
With the money I can do most anything.
And I’ll make more with fantastic marketing.
At night she won’t stop staring in my head.
I can’t move, can’t get my self up now, she said.
My skin is dry, so cracked I bleed.
And in the end, the night is all I need.
The Pink House
All alone in a theater, with my butter covered fingers.
You lick me clean, you covered up all my mirrors.
Sinking down, I’m staging all this.
And I hate the rich, but they named my kids.
And a mechanical horse broke down outside.
Out here in the rain, if you could, you would have died.
And an ancient house, all pink and green
was our only refuge to wash us clean.
I face your skin, as it burns so bright.
And I need your bones, and I want your fright.
And I gave it all up, with a nod and a smile.
And smashed up your kittens, and I walked for a while.
Cuz there’s nothing left of the man that’s me.
I’m you frightened daughter, with eyes that can’t see.
You look good in my mine, down to my tree.
And there’s nothing there but you and me.
And we roll within traffic, and smoke all night.
And the moon cries out and my skin is white.
I burn your face with my scientific hands.
Even with new eyes I can’t see.
And there is no place, there is no place for me.
I love you in my camera and I need to sweep our steps of all the autumn leaves.
I’ve got no speech that’s great enough to bail me out of all this self taught stuff.
A lie is still a lie, whether black or white.
And I’ll bind you to my mind every day, and every night.
Cutting Down Trees
Never did my mind stop contracting quite as fast
as the day she held the hand of all that’s lost.
I fell in to a sky of velvet curtains,
and cried as hard as every thing we did.
The people we knew were all so sad
when the clouds poured milk on to our hands.
I found out finding isn’t like I thought it should,
and laughed out to your lips just like I would.
Save me is all she screamed for months,
and I heard you like nails in my eyes.
I said good bye but couldn’t let you go,
and looked back at all the innocent kids.
I slipped you something you didn’t want to take,
and wrapped your arms around my home.
You taught me how to stop my hate,
I packed up all my daughter’s special stones.
I walk a path behind the screaming girl,
cutting down any trees I might have seen.
And I look at you and see it’s the end,
and I never knew the box to be so sweet.
So I set my clock to five AM,
and stop my heart with broken arms.
And drip your milk upon my eyes,
and never, never stop my tears.
I covered you in blankets made of ice,
she walked so slow you could see her face.
It looked like a girl like you, where all the world sees a different memory…
and I read your pamphlet on the beach, and I burned your hair and the fire licked my feet. I used to love that pile of blood soaked hats, worn with pride on my head, only at night, is what he said. And a picnic attended by no one by me, was disturbed during tea by the sound of falling trees. So I scared away the goats, and scared away my tears, and scared away the crows, who scared away my fears. And I didn’t seem to stop, and I ran on bloody stumps. And my body broke down, kept awake with wires and pumps. And I’m trapped in this box, and I’m trapped in this box, and he turned off my dreams, and I’m trapped in this box…
I’m In Love With Hamburgers And Diet Coke
I would like to sit on the ground,
as close to the dirt as I can,
and then I think I’ll roll around,
and never wash again.
I’m in love with hamburgers,
hamburgers and diet coke.
And I walk for 37 miles,
and I will always smoke.
Leather isn’t an animal,
when the circus stars are you.
And I’ll never send my daughter there,
and the swimming pool is red, not blue.
I heard everything tonight,
I heard what you can’t do.
I gave up my sight tonight, a
and bought Pandora’s stew.
I love these things you do with cats.
I send out my best and gifts.
I switched clothes in the bathroom,
while you were changing shifts.
Crawl inside my mouth and sleep,
a million dreams I’ll lose.
I’ll cry a kitten’s cry for you, and drink all of your booze.
We dance on the highway,
getting mowed down, every single night.
I’ll sleep with you in a tree house,
and lick the whites of your sight.
Aspartame eats my brain,
I’ll never be the same,
and I’ll never grow a moustache,
I’ll never change my mind,
and I hate what you have done with me,
cuz I don’t have the time.
I don’t know what day it is,
we spin our bodies on these nail,
the numbing flow of blood,
softly drips in to these pails.
I carry them all day long I never spill a drop.
Like rusted bodies on my stairs,
my walking never stopped.
I stop to rinse my velvet leggings,
I slide across your door.
I see you hammered across my street begging me for more.
I slept a thousand catnaps,
slung dreams across your back.
I need that sticky cloth to clean out my empty sack.
Never did the pails of mine ever dare to run dry.
I gave it to someone, someone who looked like me.
And I never spilt a drop, and you never washed me clean.
And I forgave you for knowing and stretched your face out wide.
Tear strips out of my back and gave up till I died.
Pale skinned girl flash velvet,
I forever melt your eyeballs,
forever eat your kiss.
I Love Cheese
I love cheese oh yes I do,
I love cheese and so do you.
I love cheese and it’s all right,
cheese is god and he flies a kite.
Come on, lets get together and lets love cheese.
Me and the gang are down by the camp fire,
eating some cheese,
me and the gang are down by the lake,
eating some cheese.
It doesn’t matter where, and it doesn’t matter why,
lets sing about cheese and have some fun!
I got blood on the letter you wrote to your mother,
telling her that you love her, and how you wish I would burn.
Take care on your way, you won’t come home today,
and I wish I could pray, but I have no concern.
And I stumble up stairwells, and slice open my knuckles,
and I’ll tear out my insides, and I’ll do this for you.
I might beg you for nothing, I’ll cry like I’m dying,
like my heartbeat is slowing, and you know I’m like glue.
I sweat buckets of kittens, and I’m milk like I’m younger,
and I’m young like a carousel, and I’m the top on a fox.
And I fuck like I’m living out fantasies of Camelot,
and you smell like you’re Guinevere, and you’re trapped in that box.
And I hate you, I love you, I love all that you do.
Please cut me and lick me, and hold me forever.
And I hate how I’m slowing, and I’m crawling and screaming,
and living out nightmares, and I eat almost never.
I take you and hide you, in trees that are hollow.
And clean you and feed you and comb out your hair.
Cuz there’s spinning and madness, and I can’t think about this,
and he’s peeling and shedding, and there’s wood every where.
And I’m building and building, and finishing nothing.
I take breaks like they’re water, pound nails in my knees.
And you just finished walking forever, and you’re falling,
with me in to ice cream, you cut off you’re sleeves.
And I’m nothing, I’m ending, you hold me I’m slowing.
I’ll never stop screaming, and screaming like burning,
down trees that I’m losing, in buckets of lizards,
that I kiss with babies, I love you in cat ears.
And there it was, sitting there, like all I ever ran away from. On the side of the road like a boy with legs apart, and a big gulp balanced ever so carefully on her knee, like the whole world depended on it not tipping over. It was high school all over again, 50% lamb’s rum, 50% fountain pop. An empty mickey, and a puddle of bubbling soda lay behind the convenience store at the end of the block. No care was put in to her hair as she brushed it from those eyes, those eyes that could see so much more than any telescope he ever thought of buying from one of the hundreds of catalogs that lay forgotten in his basement. Thankfully, not everything in that basement was as forgotten as them. That’s where she decided to go, on that night, there hadn’t been any rain for months, yet it smelled like it had just stopped moments ago, or rather it did before the train went by. Stopping her for no more than 10 minutes, no less than 5. It raced down the tracks begging her to follow, in her I want to be tossed out nylons and a skirt that could have belonged to a princess, be it one who ruled the apartment block where she used to live. Back then there were scores of children on the street playing games, starting fights, playing music, no… it didn’t make a lot of sense. She barely noticed that she had arrived, he was there to open the door. There was no fighting here, but the sheer volume of games and music would leave most in silent awe for the whole visit. She on the other hand seemed merely to expect it. Like it was hers to begin with. There was no noise, just what we heard. That wasn’t noise, what was that? She asked with a tone that would make most lose any appreciation for what ever is was that their dream held for them. Is that something in the ceiling? I know it must be, there is no floor… well none they could see. It was all just so run of the mill until she chose to go to the basement, her discarded big gulp cup on the shelf above the fire place, with the taxidermede owl looking at it like an oasis in Nevada. The steps were old, but made no sound, and at the bottom is where she was locked. With all the good things, always night, with no noise, and deafening sound. Into the box is where she slept, never to leave, with no lock in sight… I’m sick of your lizards, I’m sick of your trees, I’m sick of your sticks, your surgery boy, your boneless leg dog, jubalee street, and now this damn box. I’ve had it with all your childish nonsense.
Squid from hell
I am a squid from hell, I don't mind you saying,
That my face is Blue and green.
Mommy was a squid and daddy was Satan,
My face is Blue and green.
My friends like to ride their bikes
Underwater whenever, whenever they like.
I don't know why they do this thing,
I guess there's no reason, It makes them sing.
I am a squid from hell I don't mind you saying,
That my face is Blue and green.